Even though I casually tossed out the news of our impending child like a penny found in the dryer, it really is huge, life-altering news, and will likely be the subject of many posts to come. If I haven't mentioned it already, my wife is due around May 30. Due dates can always be plus or minus a week or two, which means there is a chance the baby could arrive on my birthday, June 15. That would be cool.
So far, I've learned that once you announce a pregnancy, the number of would-be obstetricians you know goes up markedly. Everyone is suddenly an expert, or has some kind of advice to impart. My father assures me that this will only get worse as time goes on. I was even given birthing advice by a man who didn't even get married until his late 40s and, to my knowledge, has never raised so much as a goldfish. I politely thanked him for the info, as I knew he, and so many others, are only acting in our best interest.
My wife has become very susceptible to advertising, particularly any advertising involving food, but only for a short time. (Upon hearing this, a coworker with a kid of her own said, "Just wait until she starts crying for no reason.") Case in point, it was late and she was very hungry, so we went to a local IHOP. As we were looking over the menu, she complained about all the pancakes on the menu. I asked her if she knew what the 'p' in 'IHOP' stood for. She said she did, but followed that with, "I don't like pancakes." The waitress arrived and Nomi asked what could be done about all the dishes that come with pancakes. The waitress began to explain that toast or hash browns could be substituted, but Nomi cut her off saying, "You're taking too long answering my question. I'm having the biscuits and gravy," which does not come with pancakes.
My shrimp arrived, as did Nomi's dish, which came with two eggs and two sausage links as well. She ate the eggs and half a sausage and suddenly did not feel well and couldn't eat anything else. My wife pushed the plate away and lay her head down on the table, where she got a whiff of the syrup jars kept there and said, "Ohhh! I want pancakes!"
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I suppose with all the posting I'm probably going to be doing here I should break down and get an account so I don't have to post as anonymous (shakes fist at blogger).
In the meantime I would like to say that you have both my sympathy and snickering amusement (sorry...the whole thing with the pancakes is just hilarious). To be serious for a moment...I would like to contribute my own piece of advice to the pile:
While it has been many moons since the time we spent together our youths together, I still remember your sterling sense of humor. Whatever you do...hold on to your sense of humor...laughter really is the very best medicine...and it can make life a much more beautiful thing.
Remember this when your child to be:
a.)flushes your keys down the toilet
b.)decides to paint your a lovely expresionist painting...on your computer monitor
c.)shows up at one in the morning with his two new friends: Officer Friendly and Mr Court Order
Granted these are all worse case scenarios...but that is when you need to be able to step back and see the humor in the situation. To be fair...I have not experienced any of these things (having neither wife nor child), but I have been in my fair share of anxt-filled episodes and have found humor to be the best means of dealing with the problem at hand (like being arrested).
Chances are you already know all of this...which is great...consider it just a little reminder, and a sign that I too...seperated by many years and even more miles...will still be pulling for you (and by extension) the little being to be.
Now if you will excuse me I have to brush my teeth before these sacrin expressions of shared humanity melt away my enamel.
Andy
PS -Shameless Plug- Today is my birthday...the double deuce! (22 for those playing at home)
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